Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It’s Been So Long I don’t Know if I Remember How to Do It

...Get your minds out of the gutter - I am talking about updating my blog!!! Geesh!

It appears I am on parole and out of Telecom Prison on good behavior. So far they have given me a 50% credit on the $955(YEAH!) bill and they have actually agreed that the service, or more appropriately lack thereof, from the Orb Communications store that sold me this product and signed me up has been unfair and appalling. I am still working on getting the contract voided. It may or may not happen. So, I am in the process of lodging a formal complaint with Orb Communications Headquarters about the store in Rotorua - and specifically the ever-so-brilliant sales person with whom I’ve had the misfortune of crossing paths. If all else fails, I may ask all of you to send him daily hate mail feedback, or at the very least sign him up for all the on-line dating services you can find.

Anyway, I am VERY happy to be back. I can’t tell you how much I missed you all!! It has been a HUGE challenge to be going through this transition and then discovering, with no forewarning, that I had been cut off from the people I love and care about. I’ve cried. I’ve wanted to run to the airport fourteen times a day. I’ve probably had more than my share of wine… I suppose in a way it has been good (I have to keep reframing things or I’ll go bonkers…). If I had had the opportunity, I might have sat in front of the computer in stead of going out and doing so many things. And, I might have whined and cried and moaned to you a lot. OK, so A LOT more than I already have. Now I am feeling kind of OK and don’t feel like moaning. So consider yourselves lucky. *grin*

So, what exactly have I been up to?… Well, I have wheels, for one! OK, so there’s only TWO wheels so far… But I am a bit more mobile on my brand new mountain/street bike. Judging by how much I huff and puff coming up the slight uphill to the house (major overstatement by the way - I think a soccer ball might not start rolling downhill if you didn’t nudge it along…) my bike won’t see the forest for a very, VERY long time. Not to mention mountains.

Today I did, however, go back to do the “moderate” trail in the redwood forest again - and had definite moderate chest pain (major understatement this time). So I guess I am right within the target range. That’s good to know. Apparently the less fit people who keep passing me have to resort to running the entire trail because they can’t tolerate the agony for as long as I can. We all have our challenges.

I have also rented a car two weekends in a row to go on “Tikitours” around the area. YES! I’ve driven on the left side of the road!! Most of the time, anyway. I’ve only cut one person off when I was supposed to give them right-of-way (what stupid dimwit makes it a rule to give way to someone crossing oncoming traffic?!), and I have only gotten stuck in one roundabout once. Well, technically, I didn’t get stuck. I just couldn’t figure out how to exit at the right time and had to come through the same roundabout three times from three different directions. Life is an adventure.

Most recently I did a 450 KM drive to and along the Bay of Plenty Coast. The scenery was absolutely breathtaking. It got to a point that I would still be on the trip had I kept on stopping as much as initially I did. Eventually I discovered that each turn unfolded yet another incredible scenery. I was surprised to realize just how much I’ve missed the ocean since I’ve been away from Florida. I knew I was deeply connected to it, but didn’t know just how deeply. Seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling the ocean made me exhale and let go in a way I hadn’t yet done since getting here. The serenity of the waves crashing onto the beach in the face of all other turmoil and chaos is a constant that always sets me right as soon as I witness it. I could have stayed for days. Below are some pictures from the trip.

This is where I stayed the night - right on the beach.

In the gorge crossing over to the other side of the island (which I didn't do this time around.)

Mt. Manganui's beautiful beach
Huka Falls - within inches of the edge.

Huka Falls

People at work have been more than kind. They are giving me rides, loaning me their cars, inviting me to Thanksgiving dinners, taking me tramping (get out of that gutter again!), and in general being genuinely concerned for my and Bruce’s wellbeing. I couldn’t have asked for a better workplace. I’m left to do my work with clients as I see fit, and I don’t even think I’ve begun to understand the amount of freedom I do have there. I am still so conditioned to a different way of working.

These past few evenings I’ve been cleaning the house now that my landlord has moved. It feels good to make the place my own. I’ve set up the master bedroom and moved there from my “single” quarters in order to affirm Bruce’s swift arrival. As much as all else has gotten better, his absence from here continues to make my life a bit more gray each day. Every wonderful thing I’ve seen or experienced is bittersweet and tainted by my desire to share it with him. As much as I want to be in the now and accept this experience for what it is, it is still the hardest and least fun thing I’ve ever had to do. I am learning a lot about myself though. I suppose that is good. Perhaps these are lessons I wouldn’t have learned as quickly or as deeply had we gotten to o this differently. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t trade in the lessons in a heart beat in order to have him with me RIGHT NOW. I do get to hear his sweet voice just about every day though, which is always special. I think I won’t let go of him for days when he gets here. My clients will just have to understand.


keda said...

oh what a relief.

so glad to hear you are back on line and enjoying some of your time.

the pictures are stunning.. ad you slept alone on the beach? i'm so impressed.

Pearl said...

Glad things are starting to get sorted out and back to even keel and smooth sailing soon. It'll be good when Bruce gets there.

LindzyPinzy said...

hang in there:)

Looks so beautiful I love all your photos.

New Zealand is so beautiful. Parts remind me of B.C.

Catherine said...

So glad you are enjoying some of the good things about New Zealand. I'm sure if you keep biking, you'll find yourself fit enough for those mountain trails quite quickly. we might even see you entered in the Coast to Coast (iconic multisport race, it crosses from one side of the South Island to the other - the keenest do it in one day or there is a two day or teams option).
I'm sure not having Bruce with you is the hardest part. I do hope that happens soon.

Jessica said...

Hi Tia! So good to have you back online! And good to hear you are striking out on your own and driving, exploring... Great photos particularly of Huka Falls. You sound like me when I got a bike here. As soon as we moved up the side of a hill the bike went mysteriously unused. I'll have to get stronger as well.

I can't imagine what in the world the Orb store did to you, but I'm really sorry it messed with your lifeline to Bruce and the familiar. So glad to have you back in the blogosphere!

bobealia said...

I've missed you so much too!!!
I stayed at Mt. Manganui for weeks. I remember it well. My mother and I gathered shells every day that we brought home and she made into lamps. The ocean there is very powerful. After weeks of being there and wondering why the beach we walked was so deserted, locals told us that that part of the beach was known for rogue waves that carry people away - most recently a six-year-old. We climbed the mountain and felt a similar eerie feeling from it, only to find out that there had been murders (there is a plaque at the top)there. It is a powerful, magical, eerie place.
Glad to have you back!

kenju said...

Welcome back, Tia. Glad to know you are settling in and finding your way.

Stephen Newton said...

So very glad to hear (read) your words again dear Tia. It has been a long time---welcome back. Glad things are slightly better than before (love your bike!) and the photos were spectacular. You sound amazingly great for all you've been through. I do believe you're right about your experiences perhaps not being as deep (read profound) if all had gone as you expected. I can tell from your post that you have grown immensely. Blessings on you and carry on. All will be well no matter what. Trust me on that one. Much love and hugs to you.

SzélsőFa said...

It's good to hear about you again - and it is so good to have colleagues that kind and helping. The ocean pictures are really wonderful.

lost in france said...

I am feeling lazy late this evening in France ... so I didn't read all of your post, but I loved the photos!