Wednesday, February 21, 2007

She Who Yearns to Dance

Kunzang asked me in my previous post who I would be if I named myself "She Who..." I answered the question without thinking about it at all, and out came "She Who Yearns to Dance". I was a little baffled by the answer. I had no idea why that was it when I could think of others like "She Who is on a Journey", "She Who is Learning", or "She Who is Blessed". As one that could just as easily be "She Who Thinks Too Much!" I will give my intuitive knowing the benefit of the doubt and go with the Dancer.

Then something lovely and serendipitous happened. I went to my Art and Healing class last night, and the evening's process was about movement. I was instantly slightly panicked, as the thought of moving *while others watch* made my stomach twist into little knots. I know I glanced at the door more than once. I even thought it would have been a great evening to be sick.

Of course I realize these very feelings are why I needed to be there, in that moment. I was about to say hi and get close to a part of me that doesn't get to see the light of day very often. I knew I needed to just breathe through the fear, and as I did that I felt a sense of sadness about feeling so self-conscious. About my body. About expressing it. About being truly seen. About receiving unconditional support. So much fear.

And then I danced. In front of a caring witness. For 5 minutes. It felt GREAT! It was liberating, exciting, beautiful, gentle, powerful! And the clarity with which our bodies express our internal process amazed us all.

Afterward, here is what emerged:

I wrote:
"Here, in stillness I grow.....
I absorb....
In the trusting I release fear......
And I celebrate...........
Me. You. Oneness."

As I processed the experience, there were two other images I had creted a few weeks earlier that seemed to "belong" with this image. They might make more sense if you had witnessed the dance. Or not.

Searching Light.

Gently reaching, fragile Trust.

Wanting transforming into
gratitude for what

That place in us
where we surrender.

To a greater Will."

"A Oneness.
A point in time. A decision. A beginning.

When I no longer look without,
but within.

It has no bounds. There are no limits.
There is no secret.
I can just be.

Life unfolds with me at its center.
I am the center, I am the edge.
I reach out as I fold in.

The life that is here,
is but a seed.

Forever unfolding.

Ever present.

Searching that which is already found.

With, and for this, I give thanks."

What is it all about? I am not sure. It is a journey. And I am on the path, dancing.


kenju said...

WOW! Those images are very nice, Tia, as is the poetry. I am impressed. Apparently your body knew what you need - even before the class subject matter was announced.

SzélsőFa said...

Those are wonderful - the writings and the darwings alike. They all speak of the same feeling.
It's so good to dance, isn't it?

And I think you were right about the meaning of your wanting to escape: it shows exactly the areas where you should improve yourself. It showas block and it's ever so good that you have seemingly broken it!
I wish I had been there, too :))

SzélsőFa said...

(sorry for the typos)

keda said...

beautiful words images and story honey.

i'm so happy things are moving. it's wonderful to witness even from so far off :)

i LOVE the final drawing. hmmmmm.

and i really liked the wacky women below too. lucky girlfriends :)

have a greast weekend sweetness.

kunzang said...

lovely to see such flowing movement and colour come from your heart. Wilbert surely agrees!

Pearl said...

Like em all but the second image, mmmm. :)

I dearly hope my name wouldn't be She Who Thinks Too Much. But there's always a renaming ceremony possible when some dominant trait slips away again, thankfully.

Good for you getting up and dancing!

Danielle said...

Dear Tia...I just wanted to stop by and let you know what an impact your last comment on my blog (The Whippoorwill Chronicles) had in recent weeks. Starting way back when I first asked you about 'mandalas'...I saw in you the me of years gone were a 'touchstone'(An excellent quality or example that is used to test the excellence or genuineness of others) for me...and Iwant to thank you...I have moved from my front porch on the hill to my new place 'Outside the Margins'...I would love for you to visit. I also wanted to let you know that my daughter and I were watching Redwall:The Movie the other afternoon and during a certain part she asked you know what she is and what she is doing? and I said no. And my daughter told me that this certain character was a healer dancer....and I thought back to this post...thanks again for continuing to express your beautiful soul through this place in cyberspace.

Danielle said...

P.S. I wasn't sure if my new address would show up in the comments..and it didn' it is: