Kunzang asked me in my previous post who I would be if I named myself "She Who..." I answered the question without thinking about it at all, and out came "She Who Yearns to Dance". I was a little baffled by the answer. I had no idea why that was it when I could think of others like "She Who is on a Journey", "She Who is Learning", or "She Who is Blessed". As one that could just as easily be "She Who Thinks Too Much!" I will give my intuitive knowing the benefit of the doubt and go with the Dancer.
Then something lovely and serendipitous happened. I went to my Art and Healing class last night, and the evening's process was about movement. I was instantly slightly panicked, as the thought of moving *while others watch* made my stomach twist into little knots. I know I glanced at the door more than once. I even thought it would have been a great evening to be sick.
Of course I realize these very feelings are why I needed to be there, in that moment. I was about to say hi and get close to a part of me that doesn't get to see the light of day very often. I knew I needed to just breathe through the fear, and as I did that I felt a sense of sadness about feeling so self-conscious. About my body. About expressing it. About being truly seen. About receiving unconditional support. So much fear.
And then I danced. In front of a caring witness. For 5 minutes. It felt GREAT! It was liberating, exciting, beautiful, gentle, powerful! And the clarity with which our bodies express our internal process amazed us all.
Afterward, here is what emerged:
"Here, in stillness I grow.....
In the trusting I release fear......
And I celebrate...........
Me. You. Oneness."
As I processed the experience, there were two other images I had creted a few weeks earlier that seemed to "belong" with this image. They might make more sense if you had witnessed the dance. Or not.
Gently reaching, fragile Trust.
Wanting transforming into
gratitude for what
That place in us
where we surrender.
To a greater Will."
A point in time. A decision. A beginning.
When I no longer look without,
It has no bounds. There are no limits.
There is no secret.
I can just be.
Life unfolds with me at its center.
I am the center, I am the edge.
I reach out as I fold in.
The life that is here,
is but a seed.
Searching that which is already found.
With, and for this, I give thanks."
What is it all about? I am not sure. It is a journey. And I am on the path, dancing.