Monday, June 19, 2006

Think about what you want to become...

This was the mysterious statement made by my Healing Touch therapist as I was leaving her house this evening. She hadn't discussed with me anything pertaining to this topic either prior to or after my treatment. In fact, we didn't do our usual lengthy sharing at all after the treatment due to the next person already waiting to be treated. So, with this brief statement she bid me farewell tonight.

The instant she had uttered the words, my answer was ready. A Healer. That was all that came to me - very clearly, very simply, and very definitely. I want to become a Healer.

As I was driving home and still rolling the word around in my mouth to get the taste of it, a few things struck me about it. First was the fact that this was perhaps the FIRST time in my life - ever - that I have clearly known, and felt, the answer to this particular question. And God knows, by 35 years of age, I've been asked plenty of times what it is I want to become when I grow up. And, for all of my life, the answer has really basically eluded me. (Those of you who read the post "Wanted to share..." a few days ago will understand a little bit about just how meandering the road to my current existance has been.)

The second thing that grabbed my attention was that I could acknowledge to myself that I am, in fact, on a path of gathering tools and knowledge to be of service to others. A monumental step for me, since giving credit to myself has never been a strong point of mine. Au contraire. Perhaps the first person I am healing is myself.

The third point was one that almost got me. I heard a little voice saying; "You can't beCOME a healer. A healer is something one either IS or ISN'T." And as far as I know, besides the fact that my family desparately wanted for me to become a doctor (I don't think it was for the same reasons though) I am not one. The same little voice, gaining a bit of strength, went on to say;

"Who do you think you are, aspiring to be a healer?"

I don't know. What does a healer look like?

"It might look like many things, but certainly not like you!"

Oh, I get it. I thought I put this committee on a bus and drove them of a cliff already.

OK. So I am not there yet. A bit more work to do....

Then, what DO I want to become?
I want to become a healer.
I want to be a powerful woman because I am empowered.
I want to be a contributor to the healing, not the destruction, of our planet.
I want to be at peace with myself so that others around me may be at peace.

Tall order, I know. And it will take a life time of walking the fine line between ego and selflessness to get the balance right.

I want to leave you with a quote that, to me, sums this up...

"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time... But if you have come because your liberation is bound with mine, then let us work together." - anonymous aboriginese woman

Haera ra,


Gypsy said...

What a lovely realization. Best of luck to you. And thanks for visiting my blog the other day!

bruce said...

Some very striking realizations! I like this process you are going through, you don't feel "stuck" any more and I think this may be part of the reason for your recent "glow" as well as your movement forward with your artwork. you're no longer standing still or crawling, you're moving forward with great strides now!

utenzi said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog, Tia. BTW, I love the name Tia.

Capital punishment is a divisive topic and like abortion it's difficult to argue that it is a morally corrent choice. However it might be a practical one. I guess that's my position. Practical but immoral.

Pearl said...

Hi Michele sent me.

I'm glad you can hear the knowledge that a healer can become. We are all becoming wounded, healed, healing and wounding. To need to engage and nourish the part that is the healer is wonderful. There are many forms and ways and knowing that is the direction you seek will make things appear to your awareness.

keda said...

one very big BIG smile... lingering and being passed back to you.

i know this so well. and i know that you are and can be. you just have stay awake, and calm, and love, and care. easy peasy. (?)

green and amber. and light babe. and whatever colours you feel.

still smiling :) can you feel it?

Sandy said...

It is always a beautiful powerful moment when we come to know our true selves. Congratulations for meeting her and good luck on your journey.

Michele sent me today.

Terri said...

Thank you for visiting my blog.
Your home is lovely and here's wishing you all the best on a very quick sale.
Also wishing you well as you go along your journey. To dream to be it.

bobealia said...

Wow that's amazing! I wondered though, how is it that you managed to leave out that you are already doing a form of healer work? Healers come in many forms. When I was in university I became very depressed. Because I am close with my mother I was able to ask for help. She found me a therapist/counselor/healer who was AMAZING! One day I came in and said,"I don't want to be here." So instead of our usual talking session she said, "Ok, how about we meditate for 10 minutes, and then go for a walk." We didn't talk except when she told me going into the woods to be aware of my senses. I very much consider her a healer. She also did cranial sacral therapy (spelling) but never with me.
I think it is very brave of you to share this realization. I think if I were you, I would feel too much pressure if I shared it. Like everyone would expect me to be a healer and then I would just be frozen with fear. I think it's not only amazing that you made such a realization, but that you shared it! Whether you are crawling, walking, or running with great strides, I hope you are still embracing the feeling!

bobealia said...

Oh, and I responded on my blog:
Tia - I just did a Google Images search for "Warrior Woman" and up she came. Google Images is really great! I lurve it! You can just take the image from there, but I went to her site and copied in her link to the pic because I would most definitely want someone to do the same for me. So, no, I had not heard of this artist before.

Tia said...

aaawwwww guys, you are all SOOO good to my self-esteem! I will keep reading these comments over and over whenever I begin to doubt myself.

Bo - you and I sound so much alike. Your comment about sharing this and then feeling pressure is exactly what went on in my head. In fact, I started the post, then felt I shouldn't post it and deleted my typing, then kept going, posted it, and then have wanted to delete it ever since! I was terrified to put that out there. And yet, for that very reason, I needed to.

I thank all of you and feel honored by you for witnessing me so beautifully.