Saturday, June 17, 2006

Lazy weekend ramblings....

Lately I am feeling about as ambitious as her. And today I feel like whining about our delayed New Zealand move. I just thought I should warn you.

Actually, every day these days has been feeling like a lazy weekend day. No, I am NOT complaining! I have the rare opportunity to take a breather while still receiving pay checks. Yesterday I received my last two paystubs in the mail. Technically those checks are for July, but the school system's fiscal year ends in June so they dish out all the summer pay checks early. But still, receiving those in the mail kind of brought home the point that I really don't have a solid plan for what comes next. Our visas to New Zealand are still - forever! - pending. While my employer there is willing to wait, we really have no guarantee right now that we'll make it there. First of all, the London doctor has to decide if my husband's' tinnitus is a national threat to NZ. We also still have the second dilemma, our house. We haven't had it on the market for a while now, and oddly, since we took it off the market we've had more interest from people than when it was listed. Well, OK, it was only one person, but we had not had a SINGLE showing with the realtor in the four months he had it listed. Fortunately the house next to ours was just listed yesterday, so we're hoping we'll get some exposure that way. I hate this! And now in July we'll be in Finland for two weeks, so we can't really list with a new realtor yet. No telling what messes from the cats they'd be walking into... eeks.

In the mean time, my husband seems to be putting in about 14-hour days, pretty much 7 days a week. Last night I got to spend some time with him when he called asking if I wanted to join him for happy hour. Twist my arm!!! (And they say it doesn't pay to procrastinate?! I had been putting off mowing the lawn until it got cooler outside when his invitation put a stop to the whole plan - YAY!) So we ended up at O'Leary's, which is this wonderful little burger joint right on the water with live music and a tiki bar. It was great. While sipping on my New Zealand Pinot Noir (I know, I am getting really pathetic!) I could appreciate the fact that we do, in fact, live in paradise. The water, the sailboats, the breeze, the beach, the music.... it is a vacationer's dream. And yet, I feel so ready to move on. A few weeks back I felt like I was honestly at a place where I could be OK with having to stay here. That I'd be OK with whatever outcome. Trying to practice non-attachment regarding the whole thing. But now, well, truthfully, I don't think I want to do that anymore. I really have my heart set on going. I know I am also potentially setting myself up for huge disappointment, but I guess that is the risk I have to take.

Well, anyway, after O'Leary's we actually went on a mission to hunt down a person who we knew had loved our house but couldn't afford it (this was when we hadn't lowered the price by $30,000 yet) - hey, desparate times call for desparate measures! She had asked for us to keep her posted but we lost the contact information. We knew that she works at a restaurant near the beach though. So off we go, to stalk potential home buyers. Sounds like a sound tactic to me. We did, indeed, find her. She is, however, up to her eyeballs in debt and just can't do it right now. Damn it!

We keep playing with the thought of sending me off to NZ ahead of time, provided we do get approved. That would mean that Bruce would stay here until the house sells. Potentially a scary thing! But - it would do a few things for us. First, it would get ONE of us there, and as much as I really want to experience the arrival to a new foreign country together, there could be some practical benefits to me being somewhat set up by the time he and all of our belongings gets there. Second, I wouldn't have to start looking for a job here (not a hugely big deal if I have to, but I am emotionally struggling with even imagining going to interviews...) - and I woulnd't continue to keep my employer in NZ waiting indefinitely. Third, it would be a definite commitment on our part, and we'd probably kick it in full gear with getting this house sold. Not sure what that means, but that is what it feels like. Of course, the decision to be apart for an indefinite amount of time isn't that easy to make. I'd feel terrible about leaving him here while I get to go. Not to mention the toll on the relationship just from the sheer fact that we wouldn't see each other in a long time. I feel disconnected enough when we don't see each other much during the week because of his heavy work schedule. And then again, I know people have done things like that before and managed. So..... I'm really not sure what would be the wiser thing to do. If you have any thoughts, suggestions, or ideas, or can gaze into a crystal ball for us, I'd love to hear from you!

Haera ra,


Carmi said...

Long distance moves are stressful enough without the additional complexity of houses that aren't selling and permissions that aren't forthcoming.

When we uprooted our family to move to London, I remember feeling at the time that life would never return to normal.

We learned later on that it does. It takes time, patience, and a heck of a large sense of humor.

In the meantime, I look forward to reading more of your blog. I'm here from Michele's, but I'll return on my own.

Wordnerd said...

Hi -- had to pay you a return visit. Thanks for stopping by my place! I hope everything works out for you. But I gotta tell ya -- that tinnitus-bearing husband is a threat to security -- maybe you guys need to go on the run!!! Still laughing!

margalit said...

you are moving to NEW ZEALAND? And you're whinging? Oh my g-d, you are the luckiest person on the planet to actually get visas to work in New Zealand. I've wanted to move there for years but it's pretty much impossible. And you're right, Florida is pretty much paradise when it's NOT hurricaine season, but living there would make me a lot more anxious from June to Nov. I don't think I could take the anxiety.

Here via Michele

Stephen Newton said...

Wow, you really expressed your concerns. You'll know what to do. There are no mistakes, and you can never get enough information about anything to make a rational decision. Follow your heart.

There, I'm sure I didn't help you at all, but I feel better.

Jessica said...

You mention non-attachment, and even more than the house sale (which didn't end until we had been over here 2 months) or our stuff (still sitting on the Wellington dock while two companies argue), my greatest lack of equanimity centered on not knowing if/when we would go to New Zealand or whether we would like it. I wasn't so much attached to the stuff as I was to certainty of what lay ahead. A false sense of certainty created by routine, but a sense noentheless.

This life change has been an opportunity to see what some of my assumptions and demands about my life are. A bumpy, often teary, but instuctive ride. You seem like you have the groundedness and attitude to allow you to come through upheaval with grace and a sense of perspective.

bruce said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
tanjariitta said...

Thank you for all your feedback guys and gals...

Carmi, thank you for your reassurance. I feel like this waiting in limbo is more stressful than the actual moving. (But that maybe because we haven't moved yet?) Steve, you did help a lot. I think I am fighting against what my heart keeps telling me a little bit because it seems scary. J - you expressed so beautifully the very essence of my inner turmoil.

bobealia said...

Oh I am no help, but I can say I've dealt with similar things. My husband and I were away from each other for six months just before we got married because he started his studies abroad and I was still in school. At the four month mark it became unbearable. When Bruce first mentioned this, I asked him why you wouldn't just go ahead... but you know, there's something to be said for remaining a family unit. I wish I could look in a magic ball and tell you, but that's the hardest part... making the scary steps. I am certainly going through that right now too. I hope that your answers will come to you in a clear way. My husband likes to remind me that there are no wrong answers - and it will not be the end of the world if you do make a "wrong" decision.